The Cosmic Shakeup

May 9th, 2012

Have you ever had a day when everything went “wrong”? Perhaps your computer crashed or you locked your keys in the car. You feel like things are “off” but you can’t quite put your finger on it.  You wrinkle your brow, shrug your shoulders and say, “That’s strange? I wonder what it could mean. Is the Universe trying to tell me something?”

Recently, I came down with the flu…fever, cough, sore throat. The fever subsided but this nasty cough and sore throat have persisted. I finally took the time to be still and ask, “Is there a message in this for me?” The obvious answer was…YES! Since the throat chakra has to do with creative expression and communication, I suspected the Universe was trying to tell me that I needed to focus more on my writing and to express more from my heart and soul. The words I hear now as I write this are, “Don’t hold back!” I have been playing it safe recently with my writing and not showing up for it as often as my heart and soul would like. This illness is a clear message and indicator for me to get out of my own way and to allow the universal creative life force energy to flow more freely through me!

We are all being invited to step up right now, to be in alignment with our soul’s calling and purpose…no holding back! This cosmic shake up that I, along with many others, am experiencing is about getting our attention. It will affect you the most where you are out of alignment in your life, whether with your health and diet, your work, your choice in a partner, etc. Where are you out of alignment and perhaps playing it safe? What is your soul calling you forth to do differently?

When we get the answer, we must then be bold and take action. This takes a lot of courage. I can hear my self doubting voice say things like, “What if my readers don’t like this type of information? What if they think I am completely out there? What if I lose a bunch of subscribers to my blog or newsletter?” The answer is…so what! If folks resonate with me, the REAL me, then they will want more, if they don’t, they will go elsewhere. We all carry a unique vibration and message. That is why it is crucial for each of us to be in alignment with our higher calling, our reason for BEING here!

Putting ourselves out there in a new way, showing up completely transparent, with our hearts on the line, we may get hurt. We may feel disappointed. And, we still need to do it…to continue to allow the life force to flow through us in what ever way we are called to, to be vessels for this light and energy. Marianne Williamson wrote in a Return to Love, “And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” Where are you holding back your power, light and energy? What wants to be created through you?

The Universe tried to get my attention a couple of weeks ago by lightening my load of client sessions. Instead of acting on the message…”Don’t hold back”, I acted on my fear (of not enough income) and filled up my schedule, creating very little room for my writing. Now that I’m sick, I have had to clear my schedule completely. This time I have decided to listen and act.

Your soul will keep knocking on the door until you listen! If we step up and act boldly, perhaps the knocking won’t have to be so loud.

(If you resonate with this blog post and are experiencing the Cosmic Shakeup, please share your story so others may benefit. It also helps me to feel like I’m not out here alone! Thanks! Many blessings on your journey!)

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Spiritual Awakening, Transformation | No Comments »

Tools for Transforming Depression

April 25th, 2012

If you find yourself feeling unmotivated, lacking energy for life, grumpy or irritable, you may be depressed. Depression is typically caused by suppressed anger, at the root of which is the feeling of powerlessness. When we give our power away, our creative life force energy becomes stifled and “depressed” and we are no longer in the flow of manifesting abundance. We are unable to be receptive to creative solutions and new possibilities. Imagine a dam, and how it blocks the flow of water. This is what happens to our energy when we suppress our anger. When not allowed to flow, not only do we experience depression, but physical symptoms as well like illness or pain.

The following is a step-by-step process to assist you in transforming depression and reclaiming your power so you can engage more fully in life:

  1. Acknowledge your anger. Give it a voice by writing about it. What does it have to say? Start by writing, “What I am most angry about is…” Write non-stop for ten minutes without lifting your pen. If you have trouble identifying your anger, ask for a dream to reveal its source. Perhaps you were hurt in a romantic relationship or are angry with God for the death of a loved one. What circumstance in your life do you feel powerless over? Other healthy ways to express your anger include screaming into or hitting a pillow, pounding nails into a board, physical exertion like running or working out hard, drawing or painting your feelings. You can even visualize screaming, crying, and having a temper tantrum. In whatever way works best for you, allow your anger to be expressed.
  2. Visualize where anger resides in your body. Imagine it as an object with a size, shape, color, and texture. For example, perhaps it is like a dark heavy bowling ball in your belly. Next, visualize taking it out of your belly and throwing it at something like a fence. See the fence being smashed and destroyed. Sometimes we need to destroy what isn’t serving us before we can create new possibilities for our lives.
  3. Imagine bringing in the energies of forgiveness and compassion, seeing them as the colors violet and pink. Visualize mixing these energies above your head in a beautiful golden bowl along with your anger. When it feels complete, imagine pouring this transformed energy down through the crown of your head, filling your face, neck, shoulders, arms, chest, belly, legs and feet. As this energy flows through your entire body, envision it saturating every cell of your being including all of your organs and especially the area where your anger resides. See the energy flowing out of you and encompassing where you live and the people with whom you feel angry with. Imagine having a conversation with them expressing your hurt and disappointment. Share how you wish things had been different.
  4. Visualize yourself in your power and light, connecting with your higher self/soul. If you have trouble doing this, then remember a time when you felt happy, empowered and confident. Focus on this memory until you experience the feeling state of empowerment. Then, with your awareness, spread this feeling throughout your body. From this place, imagine forgiving those in your life who have hurt you including yourself for giving your power away in the first place. Imagine releasing the person and freeing yourself. See them in their essence and thank them for the valuable life lessons you have learned from your interactions with them.

In Louis Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life, she describes depression as…anger you feel you don’t have a right to have. Many of us were brought up to believe that anger was dangerous and forbidden. Therefore, we learned to repress it. On the other hand, when anger is expressed in a healthy manner, we feel more empowered and have more energy for our lives.

“Feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back….They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck.” – Pema Chodron

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted in Grief and Loss, Transformation | No Comments »

6 Keys to Re-Awaken Hope after Loss

March 22nd, 2012

While in the grieving process, it may feel as though hope has abandoned you. Depressed, you question your purpose for living. You ask, “Why did this happen? What is the point of it all?” You may have lost hope for living your dreams or don’t even know what they are anymore. Perhaps your loved one was an integral part of living the life you had always imagined. Uninspired, you go through the motions of your daily life without feeling truly alive.

The following are helpful keys to re-awaken hope when you no longer feel jazzed about life.

  1. Have the Courage to Heal. Our society encourages us to move on quickly and get over it. We are taught that crying is a sign of weakness when in fact it takes great courage and inner strength to face grief head on, acknowledge it, and process through it. As you summon the courage to face your grief, remember you don’t have to do it alone and reach out for support. Processing through it, you will begin to feel lighter and hope will emerge like a rainbow after a storm.
  2. Be Patient with the Process. Healing and transformation does not happen over night. Grief comes in waves. Some waves are large, fast and close together. Others are small and spread apart. It’s important to honor your own grieving process and not rush it. There are gifts within your grief. If you rush the process, you will miss out on them. The important thing is to be present with your grief and allow it to have a life of its own.
  3. Have Faith in a Higher Purpose. Trust there is a higher purpose for your grief. You don’t need to know what it is, but have faith that there is one. Read inspirational stories or watch movies of others who have transformed tragedy into greater purpose. Allow their transformation to re-awaken hope for your own transformation.
  4. Remain open to New Possibilities. When feeling hopeless, we often forget there are other possibilities for how to perceive our loss. What if there are possibilities for your life beyond your imagination? What if your loss is the beginning of new life? The fertility for new creation? As you grieve and let go, imagine opening up to the infinite possibilities waiting for you. During this time, you are being invited to re-invent yourself and your life. Slow down and take the time to journal, go within and ask questions like, “Who am I? What is calling to me now? What does my soul want to create?” Every one of us was put on this planet to create abundantly with our life force energy and to experience joy.
  5. Have Great Compassion for Yourself. As you process your grief, take the opportunity to love yourself like never before. Imagine your inner child and what he or she needs to feel loved. Give your inner child attention and allow him or her to come out and play. Ask, “What would feel good in this moment? Perhaps your inner child would enjoy coloring, swinging or skipping. Or, maybe you would feel nurtured by a long walk in nature, a nap, luxurious bubble bath or watching a silly movie. Give yourself permission to love yourself!
  6. Remember You are Worthy. Sometimes grief can cause us to feel down about ourselves or like failures depending on the nature of our loss. It is important to remember you are more than worthy…you are perfect and whole, just the way you are. Work on forgiving yourself and remembering your true nature…pure, innocent and beautiful. Find a picture of yourself when you were a baby or young child that reminds you of your essence and place it on an altar, or where you can see it frequently like by your computer.

As we move into spring, I encourage you to look for signs of new life. Just as surely as the flowers promise to blossom this time of year, hope promises to re-awaken within you.

Journaling Exercise: Give hope a voice and write a letter from it imagining is could speak to you. What helps it to feel alive? What does it need to re-awaken? Is there anything it needs from you? Write a letter back. What do you need from it?

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted in Grief and Loss, Transformation | No Comments »

Creating Room for Grief

January 26th, 2012

The grieving process is natural. Similar to the cycles of the seasons or the ebb and flood of the tides…it is not linear and straightforward, but it comes and goes. At times, we may feel good about life…inspired, energized and in our passion. At others, we may feel sad, fatigued and depressed. Each of these seasons requires something different from us.

          For example, if we are grieving, we may need to draw our energy inward and spend more time resting and focusing on self care. We may have less energy to give and create. Like the winter season, this is a good time to restore our energy for when the spring arrives, allowing the seeds of new life to germinate in the dark soil.

          A couple of weeks before Christmas I found myself feeling blue, heavy-hearted and moody. I was surprised to tune into my body and find hidden grief, sitting under the surface, waiting to be acknowledged. The previous month, I had felt energized and inspired about my business and life, so when grief surfaced, I was resistant at first. There is too much to do to prepare for Christmas. I don’t have time to be sad. Plus, who wants to be sad when there are celebrations to attend? I wanted to ignore and dismiss my grief but ultimately the heaviness in my heart persisted, causing me to feel tired and fatigued.

          Creating room for my grief, I did a stream of consciousness writing exercise starting with, “What I am most sad about is…” This helped my grief to surface and flow in the form of tears. What I discovered was that I was most sad about not having my own family. All of the Christmas cards and pictures of families and kids triggered my on-going grief about not having my own children. It was the “season” for my grief to surface, to be honored and acknowledged. As it flowed, I began to feel lighter and less burdened. With my energy restored, I was able to be fully present with friends and family at the celebrations I attended.

          The week after Christmas, my dog, Rennie, my “baby”, injured herself and my grief surfaced again. She is an elderly dog and had already torn the ACL in her left knee a couple of years ago. Now, with a torn ACL in her right knee and severe hip dysplagia, she is barely able to walk. Ironically, the same thing happened last year…I was feeling sad about not having a family shortly before Christmas and Rennie injured her self and was unable to walk. This year was different though. Along with intense feelings of grief, I was able to also experience deep joy. My emotions were more fluid.

          Coming out of this season of grief my passion and energy for life has been renewed once again. As I let go of my resistance to the process and create room for what IS, I feel more at peace with my life. Grief has become a companion along my journey, like a friend, creating a deeper well of love and compassion within me and as a result, deeper connections with others. I am grateful for ALL that IS – even my grief.

 Suggested Journaling Exercise:

 What is your relationship with grief? Is it like a close friend you create room for and spend time with? Do you acknowledge the gifts that it offers? Or, do you deny it and shove it aside? If you are someone who tends to ignore or resist your grief, set aside time and use the following writing prompt, “What I feel most sad about is…” Repeat this exercise when you feel tired, depressed, sad or irritable. Allowing your grief to surface and flow will lighten your mood and give you more energy for your life.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Acceptance, Grief and Loss, Transformation | 4 Comments »

How to Cope with Grief during the Holidays

December 12th, 2011

The holidays can be challenging enough with all of the busyness of the season, but if you’ve experienced a major loss such as the death of a loved one, this time of year can be extremely difficult. Family gatherings where your loved one is not present can leave a huge void. Past memories of times spent together can stir up sadness. You may even experience anxiety, depression and trouble sleeping. Further, you may feel the pressure to get into the spirit of the season even though your heart is not into it.

During this time, it is quite normal for unresolved grief to surface. Therefore, it is important to have coping strategies to help you deal with it. The following are pointers to assist you:

  1. Create new traditions and experiences. Recognize that the holidays won’t be the same if you try to keep everything as it was. For example, you might want to take a vacation somewhere new instead of following your normal holiday routine.
  2. Engage in a holiday ritual. For example, set a place for your loved one at the dinner table during a holiday meal and take turns sharing about fond memories you have of that person.
  3. Simplify your gift giving. Give from a place of positive abundant energy instead of a place of depletion. Talk to your family and friends about drawing names to simplify the giving process. In our family, we draw one name and become that person’s Secret Santa.
  4. Participate in activities that bring you comfort. You don’t have to say “Yes” to every invitation. Listen to your internal barometer. If you are feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to say “No” and take care of your self.
  5. Take care of yourself first. Be prepared that the holidays may be difficult so engage in extra self care i.e. schedule a massage, take baths and naps, watch funny movies, set aside time to be still and meditate.
  6. Construct a list of all activities that relax and revive you. Choose items from this list to help manage your stress.
  7. Volunteer your time at a local charity. Placing your focus on giving to others less fortunate will help you to put your situation into perspective and will make you feel good about yourself.
  8. Keep a daily gratitude journal. Write down all of the things you feel grateful for such as the love of family and friends, your pets, home, work, health, etc.
  9. Talk about your feelings. Reach out and let close family and friends know how you are doing. Be careful not to isolate yourself.
  10. Get outside support. Drop into a grief support group facilitated by your local hospice or engage with a psychotherapist or counselor specializing in grief and loss like myself.

By making room for grief to surface and be expressed this time of year, you are giving yourself the gift of deeper healing and transformation. You are also giving your family and friends the gift of your full Presence….There is no better gift that you can give!

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted in Grief and Loss, Transformation | 1 Comment »

Ocean Magic – A Celebration of Life

November 7th, 2011

“Life is a celebration of awakenings, of new beginnings, and wonderful surprises that enlighten the soul.” – Cielo

The sun felt warm on my skin. It was mid-morning late in October and I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt while walking my elderly dog, Rennie. Smiling, my heart was full of gratitude for the beautiful day.

I peered down the street towards the beach, only three blocks away, and wondered why there were sailboat masts bobbing up and down so close to shore. Earlier, I had read in the newspaper about the humpback whales feeding just outside the harbor. I wondered if the boats were there to see the whales. Excited, my pace quickened as I headed straight to the beach, away from our usual route, dragging Rennie by the leash.

Approaching the beach, I saw hundreds of pelicans and seagulls circling in the air, some diving for fish, creating huge white splashes of water. There were also dozens of kayaks, paddle boards, sail boats and motor boats floating as if gathered for a party. They must be watching the whales, I thought.

Then, a sleek black hump surfaced in the water, white spray shooting straight up into the air. Close by, another spray of water doused a nearby kayaker. There must have been half a dozen whales. I starred in amazement as these large creatures appeared and disappeared into the liquid mystery. With my eyes fixated on the surface of the ocean, I anxiously awaited their next appearance.

As Rennie and I settled on the beach to witness this celebration of life a local resident stopped to chat. Excited, he said, “I’ve never seen anything like this and I’ve lived here since the early 80’s!” On-lookers scattered the beach some with binoculars. Like me, they wanted to take part in this historic event.

I continued to gaze at the commotion and noticed a seal bobbing up and down the waves as it traveled the length of the beach. A pod of dolphins soon appeared, surfacing and diving in pairs feeding on the frenzy of ocean nutrients the whales had stirred up. Taking in the abundance of life, tears trickled down my cheeks as I thought, “I can’t believe I live here. This is my back yard. How can it possibly get any better than this?”

Then, out of no where, a sea otter appeared, on its back facing the sky, floating near the beach break right in my line of vision. That’s when I lost it. Sobbing, tears of joy surfaced from deep within me as I opened to fully receive the abundance all around me.

Reflecting on this ocean magic, it occurred to me that all of the hardship I had endured (moving twice, being hospitalized, etc.) the last several months in getting me here to this place, in this moment had been well worth it. I realized that everything I had been through was all part of the higher plan for my life and was moving me towards the fulfillment of my dreams.

I also wondered if I would have been able to deeply receive the beauty and magic all around me if I hadn’t gone through the challenging times. It was as if the tears I had cried and the pain I had suffered had carved a deeper well that also contained my joy. I understood on a new level, poet Kahil Gilbran’s quote, “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?”

With this new awareness, my trust in life continues to grow.

“Ultimate freedom has nothing to do with your life circumstances – it is the freedom of allowing the self to dissolve into the waves of the ocean. It is the freedom that is born through one’s absolute trust in life.” – Richard Rudd

Tags: , , , , ,
Posted in Grief and Loss, Transformation | No Comments »

Grief Counseling Services Now in Santa Cruz!

October 21st, 2011

If you’ve experienced a major loss in your life such as the death of a loved one or pet, a divorce, illness, miscarriage or job lay-off, it is normal to go through a grieving process. Unfortunately, society today does not honor the mourning process and encourages us to “get over it”. Many of us feel we have to quickly move on with our lives. If we repress our grief, though, it can cause all sorts of problems such as anxiety, depression, physical illness and a general feeling of dissatisfaction. If we express our grief on the other hand, we will experience more joy, vitality and purpose in our lives. Here are some suggestions to help you express your grief:

1. Feel your feelings. Meditate and journal every day to get in touch with your painful feelings. Start writing using the prompt, “What I really lost is…” Write for ten minutes without stopping. Then, sit and meditate for ten minutes. Continue to write as new thoughts, feelings and insights surface.

2. Engage in activities that keep you in the present moment. Move your body through exercise. Engage in hobbies such as painting or gardening. Spend time in nature to help you feel centered and grounded.

3. Get in touch with where grief lives in your body. Sit quietly and meditate. Listen for where grief lives in your body. As you get a sense of the energy of grief, give it a name and ask it why it is there and what it needs to continue to heal.

4. Write a letter to grief. Tell it how it has affected your life. Allow it to respond. What does it need from you to continue to heal?

5. Write a letter to your deceased loved one. Share how their death has affected you. Say what you didn’t have a chance to say while they were still alive. Offer forgiveness or ask for it. Express gratitude for the time you shared together. Next, write a letter back from your loved one. What would they want to say to you?

6. Engage in meaningful rituals. What did your loved one feel passionate about? What did you enjoy doing together? Plant a tree and hike to it every year on their anniversary. Or, scatter their ashes in an area they enjoyed visiting.

7. Memorialize your loss. Dedicate a park bench in your loved ones honor or have a piece of artwork created such as a collage of pictures and memorabilia. Check out: www.BereavementArtists.com for more ideas.

8. Give back. Volunteer your time helping others. This will help you feel a sense of renewed purpose while offering you a healthy perspective about your loss.

9. Reach out for support. Don’t isolate yourself. Reach out to friends and family who support you. Join a support group or engage in one-to-one counseling.

Questions to ask yourself to determine if you may need extra help:

  1. Do you frequently experience feeling irritable, annoyed, intolerant or angry?
  2. Do you feel an ongoing sense of numbness or isolation from others? Do you feel like you have no one to talk to?
  3. Do you feel anxious most of the time? Is it interfering with your relationships or ability to concentrate?
  4. Do you feel preoccupied with your loss and think about it constantly even though it has been several months?
  5. Do you feel restless and in high gear, like you need to be constantly busy?
  6. Are you afraid of becoming close to new people for fear of losing again?
  7. Do you find yourself acting in ways that may be harmful to you like drinking more, driving recklessly, or entertaining thoughts of suicide?
  8. Are you heavily burdened by taking on too much responsibility?
  9. Do you feel stuck in your grief, unable to move on, even though it has been some time since your loss?

If you find yourself answering yes to any of these questions or would like additional assistance with following the above suggestions, then I encourage you to reach out for professional support from a therapist or counselor who specializes in grief and bereavement, like myself. You don’t have to walk through your pain alone.

(Karen is the author of Sail Into Your Dreams: 8 Steps to Living a More Purposeful Life, a speaker, Life Transformation Coach and Grief Counselor. She assists her clients to heal their grief, so they can experience more joy, vitality and purpose in life. If you are ready to heal your grief and move on with your life, call Karen today for a FREE 30-minute phone consultation to determine if her services are a good fit for you. (831) 359-2441. She offers private phone, Skype, or in-person sessions. You can also check out her website for more useful information about this topic and to join her mailing list to receive future articles and offerings: www.LiveAPurposefulLife.com)

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Grief and Loss, Personal growth, Transformation | No Comments »

A Year in Transition

September 29th, 2011

“Discovering your Groove and creating a luscious life is all about allowing for Grace through your next transition.” – Shann Vander Leek

The sun was an orange ball of fire in the sky as it sank lower over the horizon. I reached the end of the jetty and sat on a large rock to witness its final dip into the ocean. Dolphins surfaced only yards away as they fished for their evening meal. Two sea otters playfully floated on their backs in the harbor entrance where kayaks, fishing boats, outrigger canoes and sail boats entered and exited the marina. My heart filled with gladness and delight as I thought, I am finally home!

It had been an entire year since I first had the revelation…I need to move back to California, to be close to my family. My husband, John, and I had developed a wonderful life in Colorado over the past five years. Further, the cost of living in the Bay Area was much higher and the population more dense. We wondered how we could maintain the laid-back lifestyle we had grown accustomed to and if we would have to compromise our values to live there.

In mid-May, I drove my car out with a load of our belongings and visited the new home we had rented in Menlo Park, just fifteen minutes away from John’s work and my mom’s house. The weather was rainy and gloomy as was my mood after seeing where we would be living. Compared to the property we lived on in Golden, this was going to be a step down in terms of lifestyle, but would cost us about $700 more a month in rent. Feeling the heaviness of disappointment, I cried. What did I expect? This was one of the most expensive places to live in the entire country and one of the reasons we hadn’t moved back to the Bay Area sooner. So, of course we were going to get less for more.

Moving the u-haul out with all of our belongings in June, I settled into our new place and did my best to make it home. Not only was I going to have to get used to getting less for more, but also the busyness and noisiness of the area. As an empath, I experience energies and the energy of this place was intense. Initially, I had a hard time being still and meditating in our new home. Compulsion fueled my movements. Not only was I getting used to this new environment, but I was feeling pressure to get my business going and to find part-time work so we could pay our higher bills.

Unfortunately, only three weeks later, I landed in the hospital with a high fever and infection. While there for ten days, other complications arose, making this the most miserable experience of my life. I was unable to find my spiritual connection and felt completely lost. Further, I hungered for the home we had left, the quiet and stillness of the mountains and being surrounded by nature. Depression set in as my illness lasted for five weeks and I was unable to move forward with my new life.

During the early days of my recovery, we were given notice that our rental property was going into escrow. The new owners planned to demolish the property and build new houses on it within the year. So, we began looking for our next home. We looked north in the wine country. There, we could get more for less and experience a slower paced lifestyle while still being relatively close to my family.

After several job interviews and car trips north, no doors opened. So, we sat down and asked, “What is it that we really want? What makes us feel alive?” Being near the ocean was the answer. Why not check out Santa Cruz, a community only an hour away and right on the coast? The next morning, we took off to explore. There just happened to be an open house for a little cottage, only blocks from the beach and harbor where I grew up sailing as a kid. I grabbed our rental application as we headed out the door. Who knows where this might lead, I thought.

After viewing the cottage and driving around the neighborhood, we were sold. Not only would we be near the ocean, but we would be able to engage in our passions such as surfing and sailing. On Labor Day weekend, we had found our new home and only three weeks later, we are moved and nearly settled. Once we became clear about our heart’s desires, the doors opened quickly and the process flowed.

This transition has been intense and has lasted a lot longer than I could have ever imagined…being in the unknown, letting go of what we loved in Colorado, saying goodbye to friends and clients, adjusting to our new lifestyle, making new friends, starting over with my business. It has been a lot of work. But, in the process, many lessons have emerged.

For example, I have learned about the importance of taking time for integration during transition. When first arriving in California, I had the expectation that I would be able to hit the ground running and dive right into my new life. But, my illness forced me to slow down and stop. In order to adjust to my new life, there was much I needed to let go of such as grief and old limiting beliefs that no longer served me.

Not only were we re-organizing our lives externally, but an internal re-organization and shift needed to happen as well, to make room for the new life we intended to create…a life full of possibilities, passion and vitality.

“A loving journey of transition begins by nurturing self care. If we honor our inner selves we not only live our divine blueprint, we also embrace the richness of humanity as we promote spiritual enlightenment.” – Micheal Teal

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Grief and Loss, Personal growth | No Comments »

Dive into Life!

May 28th, 2011

Sobbing, I exclaimed, “I finally have my life back!”

Sitting on a catamaran on a beach at Mission Bay in San Diego last week, my step-mom, sister, her boyfriend and I took time out to celebrate my brother, Kyle’s life on the anniversary of his death. He had been gone for twelve years now. We talked about what his life might be like if Cystic Fibrosis hadn’t ended it at the early age of fifteen. Would he be married? What type of work would he be doing? What type of person would he be?

As we reminisced, we also spoke out loud what we would want to say to him as if he were sitting right there with us. My response was, “Thank you! You have helped me get my life back.” Since Kyle’s passing, I had often felt his presence in helping me open doors, bringing about opportunities for my business and life. I especially felt he played a huge part in bringing me all of the amazing healing opportunities over the past several months.

A year ago, a medium channeled Kyle for me during a healing session. She shared, “I see him bouncing you on a high board. He wants you to dive off into life, to enjoy yourself and life more fully.” The grief I had carried over his and my father’s deaths and all of the early pregnancy losses over the past nine years had weighed heavily on me. My life force energy had been depleted.

Today, weeks after completing the pregnancy loss therapy group, my energy is at an all time high as I prepare for a major life transition and work hard to re-vitalize my business. I am up every day between 5-6am and need less sleep than I did before. Further, my physical health is stronger. I even have the energy to pursue a long held dream. In just days, I will be moving back to the San Francisco Bay Area, where I grew up.

Preparing for this major life transition has been challenging in many ways…saying goodbye to friends and clients, leaving a place I love for the unknown, organizing all of the logistics, packing, etc. But, I seem to be up for the task as my vital energy continues to carry me forward.

Going through this recent grieving process was not fun and pretty. I felt raw, vulnerable and emotionally drained. It was extremely hard work to release such heavy and painful feelings. But now I am reaping the rewards of my hard work and courage as I have more energy for life. By going through the destruction and chaos of the storm and releasing the old emotions, a huge space has been created for new life to be birthed.

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted in Grief and Loss, Transformation | 2 Comments »

Emerging From a Cocoon

April 30th, 2011

Discouraged, I thought, “I wish I could afford to go to therapy.” The grief over my last miscarriage and my pet’s illnesses weighed heavy on me. Further, for the past nine years, I had experienced one early pregnancy loss after another. Tired of leaning on my husband and friends for support, I largely dealt with my grief on my own.

Within days of crying out to the Universe for help, I received an auspicious e-mail in my inbox announcing…”A New Mourning: Healing after Pregnancy Loss Therapy Group offered at NO COST.” I was astounded! Soon after, more offers for free healing were made…a massage given by an energy worker who specializes in grief and loss; a healing session with an intuitive friend who channels and does body work; three healing sessions with a Reiki master and Re-connective healer; a Watsu water therapy session.

Once I made the commitment to heal my grief, the doors opened and I was supported in ways I could have never imagined. But, not only did I need to be willing to reach out for support, I also needed to be willing to receive it. When I met with each healer, I consciously said to myself, “Open your heart and receive.” As a therapist and healer myself, it had always been challenging for me to be on the other end of receiving.

With each healing session and therapy group, I experienced deep emotional release. Hidden feelings like anger, bitterness and shame surfaced from places I had no idea existed. I worked through emotions of hatred towards my body for not doing what I wanted it to do. In my first therapy group, the facilitator suggested we flow write from the prompt, “What I lost is…”

I was surprised to learn that one of the things I was grieving most was the predictability of life. My experience of pregnancy loss had taught me that life was unpredictable and I had very little control. Like a child having a temper tantrum, I released my anger and frustration and surrendered more deeply into the abyss of the unknown.

Allowing these painful feelings and emotions to surface, I felt raw and vulnerable, unable to find my center. Like being in the middle of a storm, dark clouds overhead, rain blocking my view, I also felt fearful and uncertain. Emerging from the storm, like a butterfly emerges transformed from its cocoon, I am finding my new center, one that is stronger, wiser and more trusting of life. With more room in my heart, I am better able to receive the richness and blessings all around me.

It takes great courage to emerge from the cocoon after the storm, as we are faced with letting go of our comfort zone and stepping into the unknown. We may ask, “Who am I?” No longer a chrysalis, but a beautiful butterfly, we need to find our new wings so we can fly.

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Grief and Loss, Transformation | No Comments »

« Older Entries